"Four Things About Me"

Things you may or may not have known about me in no particular order.

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Bruegger's Bagels Sandwich Artist
2. GEMS Mentor (basically a day-camp counselor)
3. Secretary/Assistant for Wilderness Inquiry
4. Babysitting?

B) Four (ok, five) movies you would (and DO) watch over again:
1. 10 Things I Hate About You
2. She's the Man!!
3. The Bourne Identity
4. Galaxy Quest
5. Cruel Intentions

C) Four places you have lived: (in this order...)
1. 3720 Blaisdell
2. Cork, Ireland
3. 4820 12th
4. 150 Mass Ave (weird)

D) Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Friends
2. That 70s Show
3. Lost
4. The OC?

E) Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Florida
2. California
3. England
4. Ireland

F) Websites you visit daily:
1. Facebook
2. my google homepage
3. my.berklee.net
4. tiny mix tapes (one of these days they'll make a mix for me!)

G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. mac & cheese
2. pesto
3. creme brulet (sp?)
4. good mexican

H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. home
2. with a group of friends
3. the practice room (sort of. maybe i should go)
4. the beach (in good beach weather)

I) Four friends I think will respond:
1. meh
2. doesn't really
3. matter if
4. they repost this somewhere

First Impressions

It seems that my biggest fears about college have in some way all become a reality. However, this sounds much worse than it actually is. Yes, I miss my friends, family, and so much back home more than I thought possible, I sometimes feel socially, um awkward?, I haven't made a real group of friends yet, and my birthday was less-than perfect (but I did appreciate all the phone calls, messages, and cards). Fortunately this hasn't made life miserable, it's pretty just made it boring. I probably spend too much time in my room doing things like writing in this blog when I should really be out meeting people. I will take 95% of the blame. The other 5% goes to the fact that I live on a relatively dead floor. People seem to keep to their rooms and generally keep their doors closed. I feel like I'm disturbing the peace if I talk in the halls. It's lame, to say the least. I am still optimistic, though, and look forward to starting classes tomorrow in the hope that it will make me feel like I have more of a place here at the school.

I have met some perfectly nice people but I think what I need right now is to stop being polite and just start acting stupid and crazy. It's exhausting being quiet and "well-mannered." Ah, well...It's only been a week even though it feels like 3 times that. I still believe that I am in the right place and all of my worries and concerns would be present no matter where I had attended school. Well, off to the practice rooms to keep myself busy.

Stolen from Caitlin

1. My ex still...
is to come.

2. I am listening to...
Friends.

3. Maybe I should...
figure out what the hell I'm doing.

4. I really love...
my home.

5. My bestfriend....
is.

6. I don't understand...
much

7. I lost...
a lot of things.

8. People say...
a lot of things.

9. The meaning of my screen name is...
"many freckles"

10. Love is...
all around me. It's everywhere I go.

11. Somewhere, someone is...
driving.

12. I will always...
try to be better.

13. Forever seems...
a long way away.

14. I never ever want to...
let certain people down.

15. My mobile phone...
is across the room.

16. When I wake up in the morning...
I groan.

17. I get annoyed when....
I'm annoyed.

18. Parties are...
okay.

19. My pet(s) is...
around.

20. Kisses are the best when....
they mean something.

21. Today I am....
in limbo.

22. Tomorrow I will....
still be in limbo.

23. I really want...
to do too many things.

Attempt to Rid Myself of Boredom

I was about to read my previous entry before starting on this one but I stopped myself. I'm not sure why but I feel like it will somehow affect what I have to say here. I don't know why that has to be a bad thing but there you have it. I believe my last visit here was describing the two possible jobs I would be starting. Well, the catering thing actually became unnecesarry because as soon as I started working at http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif it became clear that they need a lot of help around here and were able to hire me full time which rocks. Well, sort of. I'm really enjoying it as work goes and having money is awesome but I feel like there's too much to do, too many people to see in a rapidly diminishing amount of time. Fortunately, I have made this wednesday my last day and will therefore try to make the most of the week and half to follow.

I've had minor online communication with my roommate. I think just in the past week I have really switched from sad and scared of the college in a may-as-well-be foreign city to really excited. Of course, I'm still nervous, but the first day, at least should be a blast, right? Part of what has added to my excitement is last night the cooter club went to visit John and Evan at Hamline. It was amazing! They're, like, in college! Margot and I both agree that they're different. Something has happened to them in the past 5 days that has set them apart from us (at least until we get to school). It wasn't a first in a college dorm for me, by any means (by any means? do I really say that? no) thanks to my sister, but this was the first time going on my own, with my friends. I am that age now. It's weird. And kinda cool!

Saying goodbye is strange. I don't think there's any satisfying way to do it. I guess it's still hard to believe right now that people I see all the time will not only, not be around me, but not be around anyone that I'm in contact with. I feel like October will be hard. It'll hit me then. I do, however, plan to write more frequently here to keep people updated on the big stuff. I'll save the little stuff that apply only to certain people for email. Yes, I may be incorrectly assuming that I have time for this kind of correspondence but I have to believe that I will. It's heartbreaking not to.

gah. I have completely exhausted the selection of music they have here at work. I even started listening to the radio because I am slightly embarrassingly behind the pop music scene but that was less than a week ago and I'm already sick of everything. mmph. This is my problem: my favorite music is that which I can sing along to but I'm sick of all the songs I already know. That leaves me with....oh right. nothing. lame.

I hope you enjoyed my choppy train of thought. Tune in...later?

sudden impulse to write

So it's 12:41am and I'm doing my regular at-home night time routine, watching Friends. It's soothing, I guess. I don't know. Plus, it's usually easy to fall asleep to because there's no need to pay attention. I know every episode backwards and forwards. Judge me how you want but it's just the way it is.

This summer is turning into one of the best summers I can remember. In a way I'm learning to gain my independence while at the same time, figuring out that I've been a pretty independent person my whole life, without even trying. This is proving to be a bit of an obstacle to overcome at times, even. As much as I'd love to truly compare myself to a character on a popular television show in which all girls can and want to relate, I can't honestly say that I am exactly like Miranda from Sex and the City. However, I think for those of you who don't know me (which is none) that's probably a pretty good way to get a sense of my overall attitude and demeanor. While I long to find someone who "gets me," I am also fairly cynical and need to believe that I can survive on my own. Unfortunately, I think this affects some of the people who are and always will be extremely important in my life. Number one example? My sister. I seem to constantly find ways to keep her at a distance. I'm almost like an annoying mother that she has an inexplicable desire to impress and I manage to make it as difficult as possible. I've told her before that I love her and that I'm so glad we have become as close as we have given that we were awful to eachother growing up, but I guess it comes back to the old saying 'actions speak louder than words.' I have trouble showing her how much she means to me, or simply how much I enjoy her company. I love that she gets excited about what's going on in my life and I notice that I don't always react the same way when she comes to me with great news about the things she's accomplished in her life. But, I am so proud of her and all of things she's done in the past year, mainly just finding things that make her happy. I guess I just have a hard time expressing this in the same way that she does. It seems that I've acquired one of my dad's less favorable traits: passive agressiveness and plain ol' difficulty expressing emotion for other people. wtf? is all I have to say about that.

I'll take this opportunity to apologize for the randomness of my writing. I went back and read the first sentence of the last paragraph and realized that it ended with an entirely different point than that which I had started. I have trouble slowing down my thoughts, apparently.

But back to the best summer ever...
Every year I seem to find a different group of friends that are my closest. This year, I think I found a good one and as much as I'm looking forward to the next stage in my life, I hate the idea of us all going our separate ways in the fall. I'm comfortable and I like being comfortable.

Finding work turned out to be a harder task than I had anticipated. I know, any of you who have needed a job are laughing at how naive I am. Fortunately, I think I found a couple good ways to make some money through the rest of the summer and I think I'll actually enjoy them (and the added bonus is hopefully my dad'll get off my back).

Job #1: My aunt works for a non-profit organization that encourages people of all ability levels to explore the outdoors. They plan really awesome trips to places all over the world. They're typically camping trips and include activities like canoeing, kayaking, hiking, etc. Anyhoo..they're apparently really behind in keeping their database updated so she's asked me to come in for a few hours every week to help them out. Everyone there is really nice and so far, among them, they've had enough work for me to do to keep a 9-5 schedule which is awesome.

Job #2: I haven't actually started job number two but thanks to the lovely Anne Dillon, I have scored myself a job with Twin Cities Catering. My understanding is that I'll be helping with a couple picnics each week and I basically just have to make sure that guests are happy and that their food and drinks keep coming. Plus, it looks like the wage is going to be extremely generous. I'll report on that more after I've experienced my first event!

Well I gots ta get up early tomorrow for that job #1 discussed above so I should probably try the sleeping thing again. Wow, this was a lot of writing considering I haven't posted anything since my initial post which really doesn't count.

zzzzzzzzzz

Not sure how to start

Jane be jane
You’re better that way
Not when your trying
Imitating something you think you saw

Jane be jane
And if sometimes that might
Drive them away
Let them stay there
You don’t need them anyway

You’re worried there might not be
Anything at all inside
That you’re worried
Should tell you that’s not right
Don’t try to see yourself
The way that others do
It’s no use

You’re worried there might not be
Anything at all inside
But that you’re worried
Should tell you that’s not right
You’ve had it harder than anyone could know
So hard to let it go

But it’s your life
You can decorate it
As you like
Beneath the pain and armour
In your eyes the truth still shines

Jane be jane
Jane be jane


There's the explanation for the title of this blog. It also makes it look like I had more to write than I really do. I am faced with a problem when it comes to blogging (or any form of online communication, for that matter). My biggest "fear" is writing a bunch of bullshit about myself. Fuck, I can't even say this without taking on someone else's voice and relaying a message that we have all heard oh so many times. "oh so many times?" Like that. Who actually talks like that? Well, it doesn't matter who talks like that because the fact is, I don't. And that's my whole point. But then it becomes this loop. Why is it so important to keep from sounding like everyone else? I'm not trying to do it (at least I don't think I am) it just spills out of me as I type so maybe it is just me. How can I be sure?

ugh, I read that over. It's too..."vanilla". Name what that's from. Yeah, see...that's more like me. What I wrote above is empty and lacking in substance. I don't even care about what I'm writing. Okay, that's enough self...whatever the word is. From now on, I simply write. But keep in mind that I am trying to get closer to the truth that is me with each entry (and I'll also try to keep it interesting if for no one else, then at the very least for me).